Sleepless in St. Paul

I can't sleep tonight...the other night was the same. I have applied for several jobs that I thought I had a good chance of landing. The most recent was St. Richard's; I asked at least a dozen people to pray for me. Why did God not listen to these prayers? I don't want to hear "There is a job that God has for you--be patient".

Two weeks ago I was let go from my job at church. My feelings toward this are mixed; I knew that it was time to move on, but I didn't like the way the pastor did it...typical of the Catholic Church.

I'm currently waiting to hear about a job that I've interviewed for. My patience level is almost zero! I've interviewed three times and feel good about each round, however the waiting is killing me, probably because I realize there isn't anything else in my field out there right now. I'll probably end up working at Target or a grocery store...what a waste.

But I know I must be positive, creating positive energy waves to the universe. My constant prayer is for two things tonight--patience and to get the job!

I don't mean to ramble, but I can't sleep right now.

The Matrix, philosophy & religion (part 2)

The Matrix: Red vs Blue Pill (part 1)

The red and blue pill are visuals used by rebels inside the matrix to make potential rebels choose between remaining plugged to the matrix or being freed. Morpheus offers Neo the choice between blue or red pill during their first encounter.

He explains that taking the blue pill will make Neo wake up in his bed without memory of the last events, believing whatever he wants, while the red pill would keep him inside the real world, unplugging him from the matrix that imprisons his mind.
Quote: "This is your last chance. After this, there is no turning back. You take the blue pill - the story ends, you wake up in your bed and believe whatever you want to believe. You take the red pill - you stay in Wonderland and I show you how deep the rabbit-hole goes" (Morpheus).
Hence, the blue pill would keep the person unaware of its actual state of being plugged to the matrix.
Cypher, the rebel and crew member of the Nebuchadnezzar, who will become a traitor, once utters to Neo: "I know what you're thinking, 'cause right now I'm thinking the same thing. Actually, I've been thinking it ever since I got here. Why, oh why didn't I take the blue pill? 

 

Reconnecting With Friends

Thank goodness for Facebook!  In the past week I had the opportunity to reconnect with several longtime friends from high school and college.

Actually I had to be reminded that I only knew them both for really only one year.  Jim had transferred in his senior year, and to be honest I don’t remember how I ultimately met Steve.  But several times per week we would get together and play several games religiously for a year:  Risk, and Dungeons & Dragons.  Then there was the weekend gaming marathons, breaking the bread of our lives in the fellowship of the ring, so to speak.  I’ve thought of these two friends countless times over the past 20 years, wondering how their lives turned out, wishing we could talk about old times.  And so, this week, I finally got my wish and reconnected with them both, all because of Facebook.  We caught up on each other’s lives, and it was almost like time hadn’t passed at all.

The other friends were Chris and Shelly.  They were practically my idols when I was a freshman at Viterbo.  We were all trumpet majors with Dr. Gregory our band director.  I remember a trip we took from La Crosse to Winona to try out some fancy new rotary trumpets at some music store—we got a polishing cloth each out of it.   It was a magical time of my life.  Anyway, Shelly added me as a friend on FB and we emailed back and forth reminiscing.  Then I asked her if she had kept in contact with Chris; next thing I knew Chris added me as a friend, and we will probably get together sometime next week for coffee, as he will be up in the cities over Holy Week.

I don’t believe in coincidences.  I think there is a reason these four people came back into my life, and I’m sure it is a good one.  So if any of the four of you are reading this blog, thank you for sharing your life with me.  I look forward to many more years of reminiscing!

Sacrament of Reconciliation

Confession.  The thought brings up chills in so many people’s minds and hearts.  Whether because of a negative incident as a child or by feeling inadequate to seek out the sacrament because of unworthiness.  In any of these cases, it doesn’t matter.  Consider the following…

Isaac had his first reconciliation this past weekend. I participated with him for several reasons; 1. because I wanted to put forth a positive image of the sacrament for him; 2. Believe it or not, I wanted to go. I never get a chance because I’m always playing music during our penance services. Although I firmly believe in form C, general absolution, it still felt good to go. One of the songs we sang was called “Loving and Forgiving” by Scott Soper (OCP Breaking Bread #672). I have prayed this psalm perhaps 50 times and it hit me just at the right moment. Verse three says: “Good and gracious is the Lord, slow to anger, rich in love. God remembers not our sins; forgiving and loving is God.” God remembers not our sins. Very powerful stuff! Just think about it: if we are forgiven, God’s mercy is so great that our sin isn’t even remembered. It is us that get in the way of true forgiveness because we have minds that remember our past hurts. God is the only one who can forgive and forget. Truly. Anyway, I felt much better afterwards, which is the point of the sacrament.

The Economy

OK, I’m a Franciscan; non-traditional, but a Franciscan none the less.  Although I like my gadgets, I try to live a simple lifestyle, not being concerned about my status, what I wear, etc.  As a matter of fact I have only a couple sets of dress clothes which I mix and match, and a couple hoodies that I wear with my Tau cross. 

However here’s the kicker…there will be 1 or possibly 2 of us who will lose our jobs at Annunciation.   I guess there is no one who is safe in this economy, not even in the church.

Perhaps I’m paying off some kind of karmic debt.  This isn’t the first time this situation has happened to me in my life.  Actually it’s happened at almost every place I’ve worked, with the exception of St. Patrick’s.  If one believes in past lives perhaps I was an obnoxious boss who didn’t care about his/her workers.  Or maybe I worked for the church and actually enjoyed being treated well.  The possibilities are endless!

Now, with regard to my Franciscan ideals, but I just don’t want to go through the whole process again. I’m starting to feel more at ease about having to find a new job, but I have just a little anxiety of not knowing how this will all turn out . I always end up finding something, and it is usually a good move for me. 

One of my favorite passages is from Matthew 6, very Franciscan in nature:

Do Not Worry
  ²⁵ "Therefore I say to you, do not worry about your life, what you will eat or what you will drink; nor about your body, what you will put on. Is not life more than food and the body more than clothing? ²⁶Look at the birds of the air, for they neither sow nor reap nor gather into barns; yet your heavenly Father feeds them. Are you not of more value than they?
  ²⁷Which of you by worrying can add one cubit to his stature?
  ²⁸"So why do you worry about clothing? Consider the lilies of the field, how they grow: they neither toil nor spin; ²⁹and yet I say to you that even Solomon in all his glory was not arrayed like one of these. ³⁰Now if God so clothes the grass of the field, which today is, and tomorrow is thrown into the oven, will He not much more clothe you, O you of little faith?
  ³¹"Therefore do not worry, saying, "What shall we eat?' or "What shall we drink?' or "What shall we wear?' ³²For after all these things the Gentiles seek. For your heavenly Father knows that you need all these things. ³³But seek first the kingdom of God and His righteousness, and all these things shall be added to you. ³⁴Therefore do not worry about tomorrow, for tomorrow will worry about its own things. Sufficient for the day is its own trouble.

I sure love this…do not worry about these things but seek first the kingdom of God and his righteousness…This is how I try to live my life.  Sometimes it is easier than other times, but it goes back to what I said yesterday:  When I feel like I am not free and God isn’t listening to me, it is at this point—a point in the heart—that I try to make a clear choice for God.